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A few weeks ago a friend asked me what my word for 2017 was going to be. My gut reaction was to think in terms of my business, the blog, and where I want to be this time next year.
Should I focus on motivation?
Or maybe I could aspire to be extremely successful.
Perhaps fit would be a good choice-after all it’s served me well so far.
Then, a few weeks ago, I had a meeting where some very hurtful things were said.
While I can’t tell you who said them, I can tell you that for the last few weeks those words consumed every conscious thought. That one phone call forced me to step back and really ask, “Why?”
I am overworked, overstressed, and overwhelmed. Not somewhere I want to be. Y’all. I rarely see my kids except for the hours between school pick up and bedtime…and I work from home.
This is not balance, which coincidentally was my word for 2016. I tried so hard to find balance-balance for my ambition.
When I was looking through pictures of my kids, I was shocked to see how unhealthy I look now compared to a year ago…it was pretty shocking.
I did not realize how tired I was…how tired I am. How utterly bone tired and mentally exhausted I am. Y’all I have been living on fumes and adrenaline… and coffee (lots and lots of coffee)…just to make it through each day.
I’m in a very uncomfortable place and space right now…one that is sheer burn out.
Now, I don’t shame myself or condemn myself for being in this place. It’s what I know. It has become my existence. I bought into the hustle of more.
To be clear, I have been chasing good things overall and my heart and intentions are good, but my body is suffering from all of the pushing and pursuing and self-proclaimed productivity.
All in the name of balance…and then I had a realization: I was chasing after MORE. Not balance as I’d originally intended.
I wanted to do more activities, take on more clients, more jobs…and that’s not at all where I wanted to be.
So this year, in 2017, I’m slowing down. My body, my brain, my family…we need rest. I’m declaring 2017 a year of rest.
But for all the MORE-chasing, I lost something of far greater value: JOY. I am tired. My heart is heavy. And I kind of feel like I’m suffocating. I honestly cannot tell you the last time I truly felt JOY. Or like I’ve had enough sleep…wasn’t stretched too thin. It’s my own doing. I take on responsibilities, business demands, projects, meetings….
And then I got to spend some quality time with my family. Or I was supposed to. I missed watching my boys play in the snow. I said no to seeing my nephews because I had work to do. I stayed home while they played so that I could take two days with Ish and reconnect…because our relationship has suffered too.
My heart is craving rest, peace, and solitude. I want to spend more time with my family. I want to enjoy our time together, help with homework, and just be a mom once in awhile.
I am so tired of the chasing and the racing.
So I came to a simple conclusion: I am done with MORE.
A Year Of Rest
This year, I am going to enjoy a year of rest. What does that mean? I’m honestly not sure, but I do know that I will be taking on less responsibility, and far less commitments. I’ll be saying no to many meetings. And I’m shrinking my to-do’s into a small amount of must-do’s.
2017 is going to be a time to slow down, to savor, to say “no” and feel good about it. It’s time to stop, pay attention, listen, and breathe.
For 2017, I’ve committed to only focus on three things (and they’re not all business related!):
- saying NO
- my health
Those are the three things that I feel bring me the most joy-and things that I need to focus my energies on.
Now, I may do a few other things here and there, but each “yes” is going to be carefully considered — and my accountability partner (Ish) has to agree that it is a wise “yes” for me. One that will not drain my joy and create a vortex that I cannot escape from
Scary as it may be, I’m ready for #MyYearofRest. I’ve worked hard for the last six years. It’s time to slow down, take stock, and refocus.
Want to know how this is all going to shake out? Me too. That’s why I’ll be documenting #MyYearofRest on Instagram if you want to follow along with me.