6 Essential Steps To Stop The Failure Mindset

Let’s face it. We ALL fail. We fall off the proverbial horse, bike, cart, wagon…. but it’s not in the falling that we truly fail. It’s in not seeing the upside to failure. The way I see it, you only fail if you don’t learn from your tumble.

failureT failure mindset is a mirage that keeps us mired down. So you missed a workout… yesterday. What does that have to do with you hitting snooze today? Honestly, a lot! That missed workout has worked its way into your head. It’s now running the show because all you can think is #fail.

I get it. I’ve been there. In fact, I’m going to share something with you: I have spent the last year wallowing in my own version of failures. So I had an extra cookie. Automatically, I justify the rest of the sleeve. Seconds might as well have been a buffet. And yes, I was pregnant with a sick toddler…but what happened when the baby got here, I got help, and I was still stuck?

The thing is, it’s extremely easy to get STUCK. Stuck thinking that a slip is the start of a downward tumble. Yeah, I’m waxing philosophical here, but honestly, changing your attitude can turn Every.Single.Fail. into a massive success.

Stop Thinking You’ve Failed

Seriously. Just.Stop.It. Sure, I “slept in” until 7:30 a.m., which means I missed my 6:00 a.m. date with the elliptical…but does that mean my whole day is shot? NO! And neither is yours. When Smalls got sick, I felt like the ultimate failure. How could my kid be this sick? I wallowed in self-pity and ended up sucked down into focusing on failure.

But you know what? Thinking like that got me absolutely nowhere. It did push me down a very dark path to postpartum depression. It wasn’t until I had the revelation that I didn’t want to be that mom to my kids, or that wife to Ish, that I changed the way I view failure.

Now, I’m a firm believer that life is full of lessons, and I also believe that all of those lessons are taught out of love. Stay with me, here. Think about when our kids make mistakes. Do you get a better reaction from shame (fear and failure), or compassion (love)?

Be honest with yourself here. Love wins. Every.Single.Time. So if it works with our kids…why not with us? I recently devoured Gabrielle Bernstein’s book May Cause Miracles, and found myself nodding along with every statement. Love is such a powerful thing!

For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power, and love, and self-discipline.
{2 Timothy 1:7}

Viewing “Failures” As A GOOD Thing

We’re talking smalls shifts in your thinking here. I think that as we mature, we forget to look for the love in things. I know that I sometimes forget to focus on love and gratitude, but as a mother, I feel that its my responsibility to teach my boys this view.

6 Essential Steps To Move Past The Failure MindsetAnd you know what? I think it’s working! Smalls loves to workout with me, and he even “adopted” a stranded worm this morning (odd, I know). So I’ve been working hard to change, and if you want, you can, too.

It’s amazing how much your perspective changes when you look at life through a lens of positivity and gratitude. When I find myself getting mired down in a failing mentality, I try to take a step back and focus:

  1. Deep.Breaths. Count to 3, or 10, or 100…and calm
  2. What is the positive in this situation? (I promise you there is one!)
  3. Grab a pen and paper, and take a minute and write down that positive thought.
  4. If I could step outside my head, where would I see the love?
  5. Is this a catalyst for change or personal growth?
  6. What can you learn from this #fail?

I can already see you scrolling away. Don’t. I promise you that this works. Here’s an example from this morning:

Smalls came in and jumped on top of me, elbow in the boob (if you’ve nursed a baby, even for a few days, you know how much this hurts!), knee in the stomach, and Uglydoll in my face. UGH. I wanted to yell (it was my very first instinct!), or at least scream “THAT HURTS”…and I started to. I started to shove him off…and then I stopped. DEEP.BREATHS.

The positive? Smalls loves me…to death. HA!

Where’s the love? In preschooler snuggles-rough and tumble (and LOUD!) though they may be.

Personal growth? Heck yes! I’m trying to be more in the moment today. They’re only little once, right?

What did I learn? Sometimes you just have to get out of your own head and embrace life.

As for my journal, I take 5 minutes every morning before I get out of bed to write down 3 positive things about the day. Every.Single.Morning. Want to guess what was on my list today?

having a momentAnd yes, I missed my morning workout, but you know what? I think that was because I really needed to do some yoga with my big boy. We had so much fun. The love lesson I learned? I need to find creative ways to show Smalls my love-even if that means doing his favorite workout over, and over, and over…

Next time you fall, trip, stumble, or have a “moment” like Allyson over there, take a minute, take some deep breaths and look for the love in it. I promise you that it’s there, if you’ll just take a minute to find it.

What steps do you take to focus on love and positive energy in your daily experiences? Share with me below!

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